Struggling with my daughter's new harp teacher

[Sylvia]

Myds,
“I witnessed her tear a strip off of a child.”
What do you mean?

[Amy Harper]

My apologies, everyone, for not making it clear in the beginning that my daughter is learning lever harp. As far as technique, I’m afraid I don’t know how to answer this question as I’m still so new to the world of harp playing, though I am trying to read and learn as much as I can. I don’t have grand illusions of my daughter becoming a professional concert harpist (neither does she, I’m pretty sure). But I would like to nurture this interest in music, particularly the harp, as best I can. There’s so much life-long joy to be had in music.

I do sincerely thank you all for your thoughtful input and for sharing your personal stories. I have resolved to begin a conversation with the teacher, privately, before the next lesson. We’re generally stick-to-it kind of folk, so I’d like to try to make this work, if at all possible, although I do also plan to take the very sage advice of many here to join the American Folk Harp Society and to keep our options open.

[Biagio]

Amy I am happy if we have been helpful and really delighted that you take such an interest in learning about the harp as well. Here is something that may be of interest to your daughter and to you:

It is a five part History of the Harp documentary recorded by Catrin Finch. Watching it you will find that there are quite a few kinds of harps being played today – and makers seem to come up with new ideas all the time. For example, there is a comment that the cross strung harp is no longer being made. Heh heh, that was true about 15 years ago but not any more, and the electric, MIDI and double strung lever harps are not mentioned either.

Your daughter has a lifetime of fun ahead and perhaps you do too:-) Speaking for myself, I just started learning when I was 60 – you’re never too old!

Best wishes,
Biagio

[Saul Davis Zlatkovski]

I think your main concern should be the quality of what the teacher is teaching. If the teacher is being strict in order to be clear, then your daughter needs to know that and grow up. You have to get tough at some point to be a musician. This is not a reason to leave a good teacher. You can ask the teacher to find gentler words, certainly. It just sounds like the teacher is very direct and clear-cut, and that is not a bad thing at all. Namby-pamby teachers who baby students along for years while they merely inch along in terms of progress do them no favor.

[eliza-morrison]

You may be dealing with the teacher’s personality and deeply ingrained methods of teaching and communicating, and I doubt she will change or soften up much, regardless of what you say or do. I would look for another teacher. In my opinion there is no place for tears or fear in any learning environment. A nine-year old can’t suddenly “grow up” or get tough. A nine-year old is NOT grown up and is not supposed to be. I grew up at a time when many teachers dealt rather harshly with children, and none of that was at all helpful to my development as a musician, student, or person. Find a teacher who is warm as well as clear, kind as well as capable, someone with whom your daughter can relax and who inspires her to do her best work. Learning is not best fostered by intimidation.

[Andelin]

As the parent of a child who takes private lessons, I’d really consider finding someone else, unless she makes an effort to treat her differently. If she had been playing for years and her love of music was more secure, I may give a different answer, but the budding musician is fragile sometimes. I wouldn’t want the first experience to be negative.

If you contact your local harp chapter, you may be able to find someone who is willing to teach your daughter, even if she is their only student. If you are okay with taking her to someone who is a little less experienced in teaching. Which in my opinion, is better than a teacher who is too harsh.

Chances are, there is another harpist in the area. where I live, there are harpists out there, it’s just hard to find them. Maybe ask around, at the local music store perhaps? You gave no clues as to where you live or if it’s a big or small town.

Good luck! I wish I could teach her. :). Let us know how it goes.

[balfour-knight]

Thanks, everyone, for all your posts. This seems like a very sensitive matter, and I am hoping for the best outcome. Amy, please let us know how the teacher and your daughter are doing.

Best regards,
Balfour

[Amy Harper]

Thanks again, everyone, for your very kind, very helpful, and heartfelt responses! This is truly a wise and wonderful group.

Biagio, thanks so much for the link to the History of the Harp documentary. As it turns out, my daughter and I watched it together at the end of the summer, shortly before her lessons were to start. Neither of us knew much at all about the history of the instrument or the various styles and traditions of playing. It was a wonderful introduction to the harp!

With all due respect, Saul, I’m not looking for a teacher who will baby my daughter. Rather, I am looking for someone who will nurture my daughter’s budding interest in music and the harp in a kind and encouraging way (as so many here have agreed is important). Frankly, through other activities she participates in, she’s grown accustomed to the idea that learning a new skill takes time, effort, diligence, and most of all hard work. These activities are her choice, and she doesn’t shy away from the hard work. She shies away from hard people (although learning to deal with difficult people is certainly as important a life lesson as hard work–just not sure this is the time and place for that lesson).

Balfour, thank you for inquiring–I did have a bit of a conversation with the teacher at this week’s lesson. My daughter must have looked particularly nervous at the start of the lesson. The teacher noticed and asked about it. It was the perfect opportunity to tell her how my daughter was feeling and why. The lesson did go a little better after that. Here’s hoping things slowly continue to improve.

[Gretchen Cover]

Amy,

Thanks for giving an update. I’m glad you were able to clear the air with your daughter’s teacher and collectively work to make her harp lessons a good and productive experience. Keep up the communication so nothing backslides.

[carl-swanson]

Amy- At no level of playing is nastiness and/or negativity called for or acceptable. It’s always counterproductive. My last teacher, after I had spent 3 years in Paris with Pierre Jamet, was Bernard Zighera, the principal harpist of the Boston Symphony. He was nasty, negative, and very destructive, and it took me more than two years after I graduated to recover from the damage he had done. There was also a VERY FAMOUS HARP TEACHER AT A VERY FAMOUS MUSIC SCHOOL who got more and more nasty as she got older. Many of her students in her last 10 years of teaching GAVE UP THE INSTRUMENT!!

It sounds like you have opened the conversation with your daughter’s teacher. Maybe you can continue the dialogue in little bits, telling her for example about something that she said that your daughter responded well to, or saying “I find that my daughter really digs in her heels and refuses to do something when I’m too demanding. But if I say, let’s try this this way, then she’s willing to do it.” Something like that. Good luck!

[emma-graham]

Very interesting point Carl. There’s a fascinating section in the book “An Alexander Technique approach to Harp Technique” that looks into the many and varied reasons that musicians become injured, burn out or fail. One section might interest you….

“The Music Teacher Who Had The Most Power Over You Lied to You.
This is the most unconscious block and possibly the most painful thing to be admitted of all, because the source of this artificial limit on your ability came from the person who was supposed to help you reach your potential. You go to a conservatory to study with a world renowned teacher, and before you know it you’re burned out, you doubt your ability, and/or you’re injured. Is this an accident, or has a very ambitious music teacher who did not realize his or her dream as a world famous performer, and sees this potential in you, 100% unconsciously set you up for failure and/or injury? If a wonderful instrumental or voice teacher pushes a talented student, and the teacher wants the student to succeed, then the student will probably succeed. But if a bitter great teacher works with talented students, I’m willing to bet most of that teacher’s students will not be in music after five years of leaving the conservatory. I would suggest that if you are going to study with a world famous teacher, that you look at the success rate for that teacher’s students. If it is extremely low, look elsewhere. I would also suggest that if you are studying with a great teacher, that you trust your own judgment. If you are being set up to fail, find a different teacher as quickly as possible.”

[Biagio]

Amy,

We call it “playing” for good reason; a large part of the joy especially for younger students lies in discovery. There can be little joy without good technique but even less if one dreads the lesson. It seems that you and the teacher are forging a good relationship here so best wishes and stay with it for a while. All of my teachers have been excellent and all asked for a) commitment to practice the assignment and b) that I allow some “practice” time to just fool around for fun. “Reward yourself”, they said. It really works.

You had mentioned that you joined the American Harp Society. This is a good thing but with deference to my pedal harp friends here and elsewhere, the lever harp is in several ways a different instrument from the pedal harp, and the AHS is mainly for the latter. So I’d encourage you to look into the International Society of Folk Harpers and Craftsmen as well. It’s quarterly journal (the Folk Harp Journal) always includes a lot of music, tips and regular columns by well known artists.

Best wishes,
Biagio

[carl-swanson]

Emma- In the case of Zighera, it’s just the way he was with everything. His divorce from his first wife was so bitter that his only child, a son, had nothing to do with him for decades, even though he lived just a few miles away. It was finally his teenage grandchildren, whom he had never met, who finally reconnected him to his son.

[Janis Cortese]

Sadly, there are a lot of people in the classical music world who think that their job is not to encourage people to play classical music, but to keep the “wrong sort” from doing it. They pat themselves on the back more for scaring people off because if they can be scared off, then they didn’t “belong” there or something. (I suppose they belong in the audience coughing up ticket money, though.) It’s a strange world where a 99% failure rate is considered to be better than a 95% failure rate.

[carl-swanson]

Janis- I can’t say that I agree with your post. I think there are a number of possible reasons why some people are just not good teachers. Often naturally gifted musicians, prodigies if you will, are terrible teachers because everything came so easily for them that they cannot imagine it not being the same for everybody. Their hands fall on the instrument the right way from the start, they have natural dexterity and speed, they memorize easily, etc. etc. It’s the rare virtuoso who can explain in detail what they are doing when they play. Others are just mean people, and it comes out in their teaching. Opera News magazine openly disparages Elizabeth Schwartzkopf as being one of the most destructive teachers who ever walked the earth. You can go to Youtube and see her doing it in masterclasses. She doesn’t let the singer sing more than one or two notes without stopping them and criticizing. Then there is the whole issue of what level the teacher is teaching. Some teachers are excellent for one level but terrible for others. A lot of teachers are very good at starting beginners but then don’t know what to do with them after that. Others are very good at teaching repertoire and polishing an advanced student’s performance. But if a student needs technical work, the same teacher doesn’t know what to do. A friend of mine, talking about a VERY FAMOUS TEACHER in the U.S. said, “If you go to study with her and you have a great technique, you’ll graduate 4 years later with a great technique and lots of repertoire. If you go to study with her and you have a bad technique, you’ll graduate 4 years later with a bad technique and lots of repertoire.” So the issue of good/bad teaching is really quite complicated.

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