Harping and Motherhood

[sarah-mullen–2]

I’m a full time harpist and new mother. I’ve found that both performing while pregnant and performing with an infant come with certain challenges that may be particularly tricky for harpists. The majority of us are women, so it stands to reason that a fair number of us must have had to juggle motherhood and harping, but I couldn’t find any threads on the topic. I wanted to create a thread where we could share stories and advice for managing a career as a musician with children. I’m new to this, and I’m sure it will only get harder as my daughter grows (right now she stays put when you put her down, which is convenient) so I welcome any and all advice from my fellow harpists. Here are a few things I’ve found so far.

Pregnancy advice columns and books are full of great advice for working mothers that is no help at all to harpists. For example, when working in the third trimester they recommend that you put your feet up while at work to help with back pain and swollen ankles. Not really an option for harpists. You’re not supposed to lift anything over 25 pounds late in a pregnancy. Every piece of performance gear I own weighs that much or more! I suppose my chair weighs less. Pregnancy advice tends to assume that all working mothers have desk jobs.

My own experience was a bit dramatic. I didn’t take any new gigs after I found out I was pregnant, but I had shows booked until the end of the 8th month already. It was very hard to get doctors to see me while touring. Traveling is essential for my job, and I had shows booked all over the country, often for a month or two at a time, which meant my prenatal care had to come from four different doctors. It took some time, but I finally managed to find doctors every where I needed perform who understood the nature of my job and agreed to treat me. My pregnancy was complication free for the first 7 months, my performances went fine, and all my doctors thought I should safe working until the end. When I did start having complications about 7 weeks from my due date, the doctor I was seeing would only sign off on me finishing my shows if I didn’t lift anything at all and took lots and lots of breaks. My husband was working a show a thousand miles away, so that was a challenge. Thankfully the venue I was appearing at was wonderful and provided somebody to help me so I could continue performing. The doctor I was seeing was nervous, but thought I was stable enough to finish my shows and make it home to Texas where I’d have 3-5 weeks to rest before my baby was born. It didn’t work out that way. I was sent the hospital less than 36 hours after finishing my last show of the season and ended up having my baby in North Carolina instead of Texas. My poor husband also lost out on a fully booked weekend of shows because he had to fly out to be with me (he was able to find a sub). Our daughter Eleanor was born early, but completely healthy.

I went back to performing two months after my daughter was born. It’s been great. Again, every venue has been very supportive. For long days of shows I hire a sitter and bring the baby, and the venues have adjusted my schedule to give me more free time to nurse. I’ve still discovered a few little things that never came up in any of my harp lessons. For example, if you are nursing your baby between shows, always offer the right side first, because if you offer the left side and your baby gets full and refuses to finish, you’re left engorged on the right side with a harp sitting on your shoulder. Ouchy! On the same note, invest in a really good pump and bring it with you to every gig! I also had to redesign my costumes (I work a lot of historical festivals like Ren Faires) to allow for nursing. I still haven’t quite gotten the hand of practicing with the baby. Everybody assumes my daughter will just love it and fall asleep as I play. While my daughter does love music, she always likes being held by her Mommy, and tends to fuss and cry when I put her down to play. Despite a bunch of parenting books saying that she should have a solid nap schedule by this stage, I have not been able to get her into a good napping pattern (although at the moment she’s asleep on the changing table) so I’m pretty far behind on working up new material and editing my latest cd.

So that’s my experience so far. I’d love to hear from other harpists with kids. What have your experiences been like? Any funny stories or good advice? Also, harp dads please feel free to chime in. I’d love to hear what you have to say.

[Allison Stevick]

I’m so glad you started this thread! I will definitely come back and share my thoughts soon, but this exhausted mom has GOT to get to bed before the baby wakes up again in 2 hours… You probably know the feeling. 😉

[Janis Cortese]

I’m not a mother, but I’ll repeat some advice I’ve heard other musician parents of youngsters give: GET THEM THEIR OWN INSTRUMENT SO THEY LEAVE YOURS ALONE. 🙂 If you can get her her own little Ravenna 26 or something when she’s old enough to be mobile, fast, and employ the word “no!” it may help her leave mom’s harp alone.

[sarah-mullen–2]

I completely understand. I was only able to start this thread because my daughter fell asleep on the changing table for an hour this afternoon. Get some sleep while you can! I look forward to your stories when you have the time.

[sarah-mullen–2]

That’s something I hadn’t even really thought about Janis. Of course she’ll want to make some noise when she gets bigger. I could give her my first harp. It was a really cheap lap harp, one of the Pakistani harps you can get for a few hundred, but that was all the money in the universe to me when I bought it (I was 11.) You can’t do much with it, but it’s sturdy and you can pluck out a melody. It’s a perfect baby harp. We also have a piano at home and she can always play Daddy’s carillon when she’s bigger. She can’t possibly break a carillon.

[Angela Biggs]

Sarah, this is such an interesting topic. I don’t plan to have children, but I’ve wondered about this — a puppy was more distraction than I was able to handle smoothly, and that process only lasts two years, not 18!

Is there enough room for baby at your belly while you’re playing? Have you considered using some kind of sling to hold her there so you can practice — or maybe on your back? With ear protection, of course, that might be a little much for tiny ears. 🙂

I look forward to reading the responses on this thread!

[sarah-mullen–2]

Angela, I got asked about the harp and my belly a lot, but it was never an issue. My belly only barely brushed against the back of the harp a week before I had my daughter. I could have played until the end without difficulty in that regard. It might be an issue if you were pregnant with twins,but even then I think a mother could play for a long time. My back was more of an problem. I started having some extreme back pain (they think a pinched nerve) during my third trimester. It did strike a few times while I was playing the harp, but it also happened while I was driving, washing the dishes, playing with the dogs, and sleeping. It was unpredictable and there wasn’t much to be done when it happened.

I’ve tried to wear the baby while practicing, but I haven’t gotten it to work yet, in part because my daughter really likes to kick her legs. She’s happier in her front carrier (ergo baby) but that is in the way of harp. She’s not quite as comfortable in the side sling (maya wrap) but I can adjust it so it doesn’t touch the harp. The issue with that is she pulls me off balance and my technique goes to hell. I can’t play for long that way. She’s not quite big enough for a backpack style carrier, but I think that has the most promise. Right now I just wait until Daddy has some free time and hand her over.

I don’t think the harp is too loud for her ears. I’ve already taken her to listen to Daddy play the carillon and she loved that. She’s been to hear friends at bars (slept through the whole time) she’s been to several big parties. My baby loves music and the sounds of people talking. I try to keep her well away from speakers and take her outside if it gets too crazy loud. What I’m trying to say is that harp is so much quieter than our lifestyle in general that I’m not concerned.

[Gretchen Cover]

Sarah, I would consider getting a decibel reader to make sure your baby isn’t exposed to noise that is too loud. Hearing loss runs in my husband’s family (we think due to allergies – my husband has lost 10% of hearing in one ear, 15% in the other) and I was very careful about that. Our son was tested twice when he was an infant/toddler and showed signs of hearing loss. Thankfully, the tests were done when he had a cold or allergies and the retest come back to normal. Talk to your pediatrician and do some research about how much noise you can safely expose your baby. Hearing loss cannot be reversed.

[Sherri Matthew]

Hi Sarah,

Like Angela, I don’t have children either and don’t plan to, although I probably still could at 44… wouldn’t care to try this late now, but anyway, I see your husband plays the carillon. My husband George Matthew also plays the carillon! Middlebury College and Norwich University (for 29 years now!) He is about to start an extensive European summer carillon tour starting in July. His website, with tour itinerary, if you’re interested: http://community.middlebury.edu/~gmatthew/index.htm

Just curious, where is your husband carillonneur? They probably know each other! That is a small world! (like our harp world 🙂 Is he a GCNA member?

[sarah-mullen–2]

My husband plays for the touring carillon show Cast in Bronze. He isn’t a member of any of the carillon associations. He’s only been playing carillon for about 6 years now, but he’s been playing various keyboards all his life. He was trained by Frank DellaPenna, who created the act. When Frank had the prospect of building a second mobile carillon for the show he had already begun training Cyrus, so my husband fell right into doing Cast in Bronze once the second carillon was completed. It’s pretty much a full time job these days. We try to book ourselves at the same venues so we can keep the family together. Your husband’s tour sounds like fun. Are you going to go too? We tried to do a CiB show in Prague while we were on vacation, since there was a mobile carillon in the main Christmas market while we were visiting. The guy who owned the carillon was willing, but it fell through because we couldn’t secure a sound system and CiB is played with backing tracks.

[Sherri Matthew]

Hi Sarah,

Yes, George knows Frank. They are old friends! 🙂 No, unfortunately, I have to stay home. My parents are aging and mom has not been doing well recently. A few scare calls lately, so I’m keeping an eye on her. She lives down the street from us. (I’m an only child as well, so no one else for back up). And at the same time I do worry about George making the run to Europe as well, since he’s a lot older than me.

Georgie showed me some pics of the Cast in Bronze show in one of the carillon newsletters he gets. I think Frank was doing a lot at Disney world for a time. He wishes he could have a portable like Frank, but it’s a big investment, worse than a harp. 🙁

Only six years? That’s a long time! You can learn a lot in six years! Does he do the costumes and all for the shows?

[sarah-mullen–2]

Hi Sherri,

Sorry to hear about your parents. It’s nice that they have you so close. I’m sure your husband will do fine on his tour. It looks like a great itinerary.

My husband does the full show, costume and mask and all. Frank hasn’t done Disney in a long time, but he’s solidly booked at events around the country. Cyrus does a lot of the renaissance festival bookings so that I can perform at the same show and we can keep the family together. Cyrus has learned a great deal in six years! He’s a great carilloneur,but his knowledge is fairly limited to the CiB show. He hasn’t studied the larger carillon repertoire.

The carillon really is an investment. Frank was gifted his first set by an anonymous benefactor, and he built his second carillon after acquiring the larger part of a set of bells that had just been sitting in somebody’s garage. He had them matched in Holland to get a full set and then worked with an engineer to create a mobile frame. The new CiB carillon is pretty impressive, but still small compared to the bells in most towers. There are only three mobile carillons on this continent. Frank DellaPenna has two, the third is with Jeff Crook. We’ve rented it for CiB a few times. I think Jeff is interested in selling his, but I’m sure it’s very expensive. I have no idea what he’s asking.

[Sherri Matthew]

Hi Sarah,

I should hook your husband up with George. He’s got a lot of repertoire, and several students at both colleges right now. He started ragtime on the carillon, has a lot of pieces published. Now a lot of people are doing that. Here’s his email address: gmatthew@middlebury.edu if you want to pass it along. He’ll be happy to hear from him, no worries! I remember he told me Frank said he had somebody covering for him, stunt double as it were! With the face mask and costumes nobody knew which performer it was. Now we know! 🙂

Georgie is playing the first movement of the Alan Hovhaness Harp Sonata on the carillons at Norwood, MA, Albany City Hall and Wuertzburg, Germany, and he’s played it many times at Middlebury.

[Allison Stevick]

I’m going to have to look up what a carillon is because it sounds interesting!

I tried to post here a few days ago, but right when I was almost done, the browser crashed and I lost the whole thing (and I had to leave it alone and go to bed) *sigh. 🙂

I am not a professional harpist, so my harper-to-mom journey is probably less intense than some. I started playing about a year before my first child was born. I had just barely gotten started on harp when suddenly, *my* *harp* *became* *a* *morning* *sickness* *trigger*! It was nuts. For 4 months, I couldn’t even look at my beloved little harp without feeling nauseated. Needless to say, I was very glad when that stage passed! (With my second child, morning sickness was a bit worse overall, but thankfully was *not* harp related.)

I had to take another break from harping when my first was tiny, because, well, I didn’t have time for what was still a new hobby when it was taking all my energy to be a mom! Totally worth it though, and I was back to harping regularly a few months later. He still wasn’t on any kind of regular sleep schedule (also would never nap for more than 30 mins at a time! Yikes!) and friends/acquaintances/nosy neighbors were *always* saying, “well, why don’t you just play your harp for him? It’s so relaxing, it would out me to sleep for sure!” And I would just smile and think, “Yeah, how about *you* try getting a baby to sleep by bringing out what he thinks is an awesome and exciting toy just for him, that he just can’t wait to grab at with those sweet little slobbery fingers…Oh yeah, and keep in mind that if I’m playing harp, I can’t be *holding* the baby! and that is *his* number one requirement for getting to sleep!” Never said that out loud, but I’m pretty sure I came close a few times.

Nap time with live harp music has never happened in my house even once in nearly 5 years. I use a Grainne Hambly and William Jackson CD for nap time now, but the kids still think the actual harp is a toy so it can’t soothe them to sleep.

By the time I was pregnant with my second baby, I had a new harp and was also playing in church and at the hospital with some regularity. I play a carbon fiber harp, so it’s super lightweight. I gave some church ladies and nurses quite the surprise when lifting it all by myself at 6+ months along! I even got scolded and lectured by some of them (not the nurses, though) before I could explain that it was only ten pounds and I wasn’t going to strain myself… It was funny. And slightly annoying… But at least they meant well.

Right now I’m away from my big harp, because my family is living in Scotland for a while. We return home this summer, and I’m literally starting to dream of being reunited with my harp! 🙂 For now, I have a tiny harp that I’ve enjoyed, and I let my kids play it sometimes. They love it, and it’s fun for me to see them having such a good time with it. My big one likes to hold it properly and do little glosses and stuff, while the little one (who keeps telling me he’s not a baby anymore… even though it seems too soon for him to be big…) (ok, he’s really not a baby anymore. But he’s not yet 2, doesn’t sleep through the night consistently, AND he is still *my* baby even if he’s not *a* baby…) just says, “Harp, Mama! Pway harp now!” then twangs the strings too hard and drums on the soundbox. I’m glad they have a love of music, and that I have an instrument they can play with where it doesn’t matter too much if it gets a little ding or something.

I look forward to the days when I can play as much as I want without major interruptions, or play when everyone is awake and not worry about someone’s little hands yanking on the strings or something… But I don’t look forward to it *too* much because I love them being little and I know they grow so fast! 🙂

[sarah-mullen–2]

Thanks for sharing your experiences Allison! I’m looking forward to Eleanor getting big enough to toddle and explore, but I hadn’t really considered how I’m going to keep her away from my harps. When we’re at festivals we live in our rv, so it’s not like I can just put our instruments in another room and close the door. I’ll figure something out. I’m glad your children enjoy music so much, and I hope you can get back to a regular practicing schedule soon.

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