You could say it’s been a good few years: winning the USA International Harp Competition, touring the country giving solo recitals and masterclasses, and capping all of that off with winning the Sarasota audition just a few weeks before receiving my master’s from Juilliard this past spring. For the first time in my life, I felt unstoppable, like any challenge I faced was mine to conquer. But it was not meant to last.

Little did I know, it isn’t until after winning [the AHS Concert Artist position] that the real work begins.

Reality paid me a visit when Harp Column approached me about writing this article, and I realized that this challenge was one that could not be overcome by simply locking myself in a practice room with a tuning key and metronome. I felt like that scared freshman again, afraid to play in studio class or be heard warming up before rehearsal, truly believing that my playing would never compare to that of the upperclassmen and grad students at Juilliard. I was back to square one. But, hey, I’ve been at square one before. It’s not a place I want to hang out for very long, but at least I know I’ve been here before and figured out how to move forward again.

My first national competition was the American Harp Society (AHS) National Competition where I entered the Intermediate I division (the second youngest age grouping). I studied and practiced and recorded a CD for submission, doing everything a young and aspiring harpist should. I sent in the CD, emblazoned with my name, confident that I would make it to the live round. Little did I know that there were many talented harpists outside of my small Iowa town. I didn’t even get invited to the live round. Denied but undeterred, I went to Chicago to hear the competitors perform at the live round. I was blown away by the maturity of their playing, and armed with new knowledge and an insatiable desire to join the ranks of those incredible harpists, I set out again more determined than ever.

Let’s fast forward a bit to 2015. By this point, I was a senior at Juilliard and had won a few reputable national competitions. That said, I still saw the Young Professional Division of the AHS National Competition (the oldest age grouping) with its more mature and experienced entrants, many of whom had also won AHS competitions, as a major step forward. I never once let fear get in my way, and on June 23, 2015, I managed to win the Young Professional Division, simultaneously becoming the American Harp Society’s Concert Artist.

I hadn’t really thought about what it meant to become the Concert Artist. Little did I know, it isn’t until after winning that the real work begins. At one point or another, most of us have had the opportunity to perform a solo recital. By the time this is published, I will have given a whopping 23 solo recitals (and 12 masterclasses) through the Concert Artist program. While I looked forward to the challenges that lie ahead, I had no idea how much I would grow along the way.

For example, I made huge strides in overcoming my performance anxiety, specifically shaky hands. I wasn’t even fully aware of it at the time. It happened somewhere during a particularly busy weekend (Juilliard rehearsal in the morning, flight at noon, practice on borrowed harp in the afternoon, concert on yet another harp that evening). There I was, playing Salzedo’s Scintillation and it was as if my hands had forgotten to shake—I simply wasn’t nervous. For the first time in my life, performing truly felt like second nature. In some small way, while playing that piece, I felt like I finally made it as a musician.

I also grew as a teacher. The first time I ever taught a masterclass, I thought I might be sick. I had no clue what to say and was at such a loss for words that I ended the class over an hour early! I wanted to show students how their music can move people through its intangible qualities. But how do you communicate the intangible? How do you tell someone what heartbreak, love, nostalgia, and regret sound like? Through trial and error along the way, I gradually learned how to express these ideas to my students. The challenge has allowed me to grow enormously as a musician. 

I can’t imagine where I’d be without these incredible experiences. As my two years as the AHS Concert Artist come to a close, it will no doubt be bittersweet. I was fortunate to meet so many wonderful people (shout out to everyone who hosted me throughout this exciting adventure) and to perform more recitals in just two years than I thought I would in a lifetime. To the next Concert Artist, congratulations and enjoy the ride! •